The first question every soon to be Dad has to ask themselves. Are you Ready?

Well actually the first one should be am I using contraception properly, if the answer is no to this one then being ready is kind of a moot point.

I asked myself that question when my partner broached the question. The am I ready one, I know how to use contraception. The answer… a resounding No. Having a small human enter the world that I would have to care for and look after was fairly terrifying and most definitely not something I felt ready to handle. I could barely take care of myself let alone a small child who’s head could pop off at any minute (Seriously what is up with newborns necks!). If you look at it though, very few people are 100% ready to start a family. Instead you can measure it in different percentiles, fractions of readiness, a patchwork of gradients or sliding scales of just how ready you are. A solid yes is rarely the answer to this question. Many people take the leap when they are higher up this meter, some people take the leap at any point and some get pushed off when they don’t use contraception properly.

Firstly lets look at a little back story to illustrate my situation

1. I live in a foreign country (Brit living in Oz)
2. I don’t have permanent residency in said country (I am currently on a waiting list with expectation of approval)
3. Work of choice – Late night nightclub manager. Not a steady career or one possessing of the hours helpful to raising a child.
4. Still renting, yet to jump on that ever rising and elusive property ladder.
5. My investment portfolio is not at a level I am happy with

It seemed like a poor time to have a dependent enter my life. At least wait till I had my PR sorted out, by that point my savings/investments would have improved over time and I would be in a much better position to be a father. Maybe just one more year and it will be a better time. I look back at that and I bet if I had waited a year, at the end of the year I would still have not been ready and used some other excuses. I like how I am using “I” a lot in this as if I was the one making all the choice. In fact I had max 20% input into the decision if I was lucky even though it was a mutual choice, the missus could always twist my arm.

So how did I get from not really being ready to prepping for a child you might ask? Well that would be down to my partner who one would say was super ready. Probably the only person who I would say was 100% ready in her mind. Her whole life was children, she had dreamed of having children since she was young, she babysat for people as a side hustle/for enjoyment, her career was even caring for children. So when we first started dating we had a conversation about when we wanted kids, I said an off the cuff “Probably before I am 30”. IF you are ever in this position where you get asked for an age be careful what you say, it might come back to haunt you. It got locked up in the vault for later use and that came when guess what I was nearing 30. Its similar to when you get asked what time are you coming home. If you answer around 11pm then as of 11.01pm you are late To cut a long story short, she wanted to get pregnant and I wanted to wait. So, as in all good couple discussions, we did what she wanted. I was going to be a Dad.

So after having my arm twisted, I mean coming to a joint decision, I decided to look more closely at these reasons I had and funnily enough they came apart the more I reasoned them out

1. Living in a foreign country was exciting, it also allowed my child to have dual citizenship
2. Ironically having a child would make my PR a dead cert, it was just a waiting game now
3. I can always change career if I want to. I am also an avid saver so I have a healthy cash buffer if I need to step into the career change abyss.
4. Climbing on the property ladder is a dream for many people. With rising prices, its definitely a long term goal. With the increased cost of having a child maybe it just takes a little long to reach this particular goal. Again I have money in the bank which could be used as a deposit if so needed,
5. I am a big fan of the FIRE movement (Financially Independent, Retire Early) and the fantastic potential of compound interest. The power of time on your finances. Having a child would slow this down but it wouldn’t stop, I would just have to work harder at it.

Your position might be similar to mine, it might be better or worse. What I have come to realise is that when it comes to your own position it depends on you as a person not just the situation. There are people who are renting a one bedroom flat and work on minimum wage who are two kids in whereas some people have a high paying job, own a couple of houses and aren’t even close to being ready yet. Never feel pressured but take the time to look through the reasons you believe make you not ready and critically analyse them like I have. Maybe you will find that they are more excuses than reasons. Really it all depends on how you view where you are at in your life and where a child fits in with your goals. I felt that having a child wasn’t going to heavily impact my goals in life. I always wanted children at some point, I was certain on that. Of course saving up money and buying a house would be easier with a dependent but it didn’t make it impossible by any stretch of the imagination

Now over to you. If you are being faced with this question, ask a few questions of your own. What are your goals in life? Maybe having a family is your goal but you want to be able to have the means to provide for them so you want to wait till you are higher in your occupation. Maybe you had reservations that you overcame to become a father. Can you envisage completing your goals with a dependent?

Share your story in the comments about how you took your first step in your ‘Becoming A Dad’ life.